:> + ranting

Went shopping at 5 different shopping malls today! ;>
ER outing to Ikea was really fun even though not everyone was able to go.
I've bought Denyse's birthday present & a watch for myself! ;D
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I can't stop thinking about you.
It sucked to be smiling and laughing away on the surface side when in actual fact, I really felt like crying again. I was desperate to see you and I was wishing that this was just another nightmare I've yet but will wake up from. I know I sound desperate and all but this is really too much for me to handle. I know I pushed it. Bleah.
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Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you have seen them or how long it's been since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.

Its just hard to miss someone I don't know anymore.
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Is that it? Are you the only person in the world who's been let down and faced many emotional traumas and tragedies in life? The only one that’s been hurt, abandoned? What gives you the right to act like you are? I don't know what to do and how to feel. Should I be mad at you? Or should I sympathize with you because of all you've gone through and comprehend that it was your emotions which lead you to to doing all that? Bleah.
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What defines a best friend? What are the requirements to be a good best friend? How many hours a week does it entail? Stupid questions that have no answers. A best friend is not defined by how many times they talk on the phone, or how many hours they hang out together. It is not defined by how many sleepovers they gossip at, or how many inside jokes they have. There are no requirements or laws that state that a good best friend must hang out with them every weekend, or tell each other every little detail. A best friend is a matter of opinion. It is the person who has been there for you through everything, not just through the fun things, or the little things. It is the person that you call when you are at your absolute worst, it is the person who saves you when you didn’t even notice that you needed saving, mostly it is the person who accepts you for who you are, and the person that you are becoming.

See, this was the way I felt towards you until you said that.

Then came other disappointments and let downs.
And that one apology could not account for the accumulation.
Perhaps we were never really friends to begin with.
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And after all this, I just realize that it isn’t what I have, or who I am, or where I am, or what I'm doing that makes me happy or unhappy. It's just what I think about. No use realizing if no change is made anyways.
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But you know what I want?
I want to be remembered as the girl who smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten up her own.
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This just proves that y'all have no idea just what kind of a person I really am.