:)

Yesterday we were all smiles.

How.

The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day’. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

It’s like I need to flail my arms out and stretch my fingers and kick my feet and scream and throw a temper-tantrum because I don’t know how to fix this feeling.

I've had enough.

I have a question, I need an answer.

-

I don't know.

Crashing.

Lunch today was lovely! Had pepper lunch together with PJ, HW, SH, RR, Kris, Cindy & Gillian. :) We went shopping for Cindy's birthday present after lunch, then took the bus back to school after we bought her present, then stayed back in school for a little while to slack & went for the excel fest briefing after that. So yea I just got home and I've not done my monologue as well as my revision for tomorrow's maths test and skipped debate training today again because... I don't know why. Just because. No reason. I just didn't feel like it. I was afraid to quit in the end; I backed out knowing that I was an exception and that unlike the other sec 2s who quit debate, I had to go look for Mr Ho instead of simply looking for Ms Siva to quit. I don't get why life is so unfair.

I know I need some time set aside to spend with no one else but myself to think about whatever problem's going on right now and find a solution to all the problems instead of always trying to run away from them. But I just can't find the time to do so. I feel extremely cooped up with school work and family stuff and friendship matters and such. I can't really remember what it even feels like to not be tired anymore.

The choir workshop's this Friday, and yet I feel extremely unprepared.

I wonder when you'll start to realize how stupid you are for being willing to lose all your friends and gain more haters and all that crap for some useless guy. And you, I don't get how you're willing to give up on trying to get into the main team and missing cca and such for some girl whom you don't even know very well after working so hard for it. You were just that close, but now you've lost it. You're back to square one. But I guess you don't really care as much as you used to, anymore. I don't get why I'm sticking my nose into so much of your business either.

Maybe I'm just not strong enough to let go of the past. Maybe people just do silly things in the name of love. Maybe I'm the stupid one for not being able to realize what it really feels like to be in love and why people would rather place their happiness before friendship. Maybe I'm just not worthy of being loved by the people I love. Maybe life for me is just meant to suck.

Perhaps I'm being too pessimistic about everything, perhaps I just need to look at things in a new perspective or something. I don't know. What's wrong with me?

Falling.

Uncertain.
People always sing about last chances;

Imagine your life backwards, knowing all the most important moments that would happen to you. This will be the last time you have lunch as a class together, or the last time you get to see someone who's of a significant importance to you, or the last time you kiss your grandma goodbye. Your last chance to tell her you love her. If you knew every moment was going to be significant, wouldn't you try to change things while you still had the time?

:D

Vball match today was thumbs up! And today was lovely. Especially the time spent with you.
It was absolutely positively magical :)

Hopeful.

Good things fall apart for better things to fall in place.

I know it won't be long, and so I will hold on.

-

Smiling on the outside.
But deep down on the inside,
I'm sick and tired of myself. And so I need to start anew.
I'm still not used to being this lonely. And so I shall find new friends.
I'm sick and tired of everyone. And so I shall learn to not be tired of everyone.
I'm sick and tired of always having to deal with you and your problems. And so I won't.
I'm sick and tired of always having to put up with you and your crap. And so I won't.
I'm sick and tired of always being used to your advantage. And so I won't let you, not anymore.
I'm sick and tired of receiving your texts and having to know how or what you feel about her because honestly, I don't give a shit about you or your life.
I'm sick and tired of playing along with people who put words in my mouth.
I'm sick and tired of putting up with people who've been making wrong accusations about me.
I'm sick and tired of having your problems become mine.
I'm sick and tired of answering your phone calls just to keep you happy.
I'm sick and tired of always having to put you and your happiness before mine.
I'm sick and tired of always being asked if I'm okay.
I'm sick and tired of doing things for the benefit of others, only to have myself suffer in the end.
I'm sick and tired of suffering in silence.
I'm sick of school, expectations, needing, wanting, hoping.
I'm sick and tired of being called emotional.
I'm sick and tired of crying in silence, in that empty bedroom.
I'm sick and tired of bottling up.
I'm sick and tired of always having to look at the both of you in a distance.
I'm sick and tired of telling other people that I am okay even when I am not.
I'm sick and tired of telling other people that I am not affected by you being with her because I am.
I'm sick and tired of telling other people that it doesn't hurt anymore because it still does.

Everything hurts. The truth hurts. This hurts. That hurts.
And I'm sick and tired of the hurt.

Love.

Yesterday after the CNY concert in school, I went to meet my mom at Sentosa and had a really great time with Kylene & Jimmy. Then after that we went to Chinatown to eat. Nomnomnomnom. And then my dad picked us up from Chinatown and drove us to my uncle's place for the family gathering. Yup :D Family gathering last night to celebrate my aunt's birthday was really awesome to the ultimate maximum! I think CNY this year will be really special, especially since this time EVERYONE is here, even my other aunt who's never been to Singapore ever since she left for some country I forgot at the age of 19 has come to visit together with her husband or some random man whom I don't know, so my Grandma's really happy about that. :) Random but I'm getting a new phone in 2 weeks' time HAHAHA jealous right! Okay bye :D

:D

School today was absolutely positively lovely, especially after school! Hm, this year for V day I received manymanymany wonderful presents from Kristie, Huiwen, Cindy, Denyse, Sonia and other really sweet people whom I really love. Yup :D After school 202 went for the class excursion to Bishan library for some research workshop thing, then after the workshop I went to meet JQ to help him with his class decoration together with reeerooooo, claire & sipin :D Class decoration was funfunfun! Had a h2h talk & walked to the bus stop with him after that. Yup :D And tomorrow's finally Friday. Yayyyyyyy Kaely's a happy girl! Heh, bye!

Feeling happier everyday

There’s someone in her past that she hasn’t gotten over yet. Each day is like the last and she misses what she can’t forget. It’s just an empty space where something used to be. Now she guards the gate, but she’s lost the key. No one enters, but no one leaves.

-

The weekends were lovely as usual :D I think my cousins are really awesome & bellybelly fun to hang out with. Especially Kylene and Jimmy, they're my favorites hehehe. Hmmmmmm yesterday after church I went shopping with Kylene @ Suntec, Raffles City & Central. :) I bought a new wallet from Topman! And had really yummy hokkaido ice-cream :D Yup and this Friday after choir I'm going out with Kylene again to watch a movie with her together with my other cousins. I think I'm going to look for Ms Siva tomorrow as well to quit debate. Yup I think there's just too much on my plate & I really just need to take a break from all this school stuff. Oh and T1W6 is already loved even though it's only Monday and even though I know so much might happen in the next few days of this week, but I'm staying positive yea :D Hehehe. And there'll be two tests tomorrow! Biology and D&T. Don't like tests but what can I doooooooo? Nothing, so I'm gonna study hard and do well, then I'll be happy with my results. :D I don't think I make any sense at all HAHAHA. Yup that's all, gooderbye!

There's beauty in the breakdown.

Happy

Yesterday was lovely. :)
And I'm sure today will be another great day as well! Jimmy's coming over from New York today. So there will be a family gathering tonight, and everybody (14 aunties & uncles as well as their spouses, together with my cousins and my grandma) will be there.
Which is why I'm guessing tonight will be awesome! :D

When I see you or when someone mentions your name,my ears prick up. And then I slap myself for it because you're not allowed to mean anything to me. At least not anymore.

-

And the harsh reality of life is that you are going to get hurt. You’re going to cry over a silly boy. Your heart’s going to be broken. But you have to pull yourself together so people don’t see how vulnerable you are because once people see vulnerability, they take advantage of you. And the whole process starts all over again. So hold on, stay strong.