Crashing.

Lunch today was lovely! Had pepper lunch together with PJ, HW, SH, RR, Kris, Cindy & Gillian. :) We went shopping for Cindy's birthday present after lunch, then took the bus back to school after we bought her present, then stayed back in school for a little while to slack & went for the excel fest briefing after that. So yea I just got home and I've not done my monologue as well as my revision for tomorrow's maths test and skipped debate training today again because... I don't know why. Just because. No reason. I just didn't feel like it. I was afraid to quit in the end; I backed out knowing that I was an exception and that unlike the other sec 2s who quit debate, I had to go look for Mr Ho instead of simply looking for Ms Siva to quit. I don't get why life is so unfair.

I know I need some time set aside to spend with no one else but myself to think about whatever problem's going on right now and find a solution to all the problems instead of always trying to run away from them. But I just can't find the time to do so. I feel extremely cooped up with school work and family stuff and friendship matters and such. I can't really remember what it even feels like to not be tired anymore.

The choir workshop's this Friday, and yet I feel extremely unprepared.

I wonder when you'll start to realize how stupid you are for being willing to lose all your friends and gain more haters and all that crap for some useless guy. And you, I don't get how you're willing to give up on trying to get into the main team and missing cca and such for some girl whom you don't even know very well after working so hard for it. You were just that close, but now you've lost it. You're back to square one. But I guess you don't really care as much as you used to, anymore. I don't get why I'm sticking my nose into so much of your business either.

Maybe I'm just not strong enough to let go of the past. Maybe people just do silly things in the name of love. Maybe I'm the stupid one for not being able to realize what it really feels like to be in love and why people would rather place their happiness before friendship. Maybe I'm just not worthy of being loved by the people I love. Maybe life for me is just meant to suck.

Perhaps I'm being too pessimistic about everything, perhaps I just need to look at things in a new perspective or something. I don't know. What's wrong with me?