“Maybe sometimes you have to stop waiting for someone to come along and fix what’s wrong. Maybe you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that no one else has the answer. Sometimes, you gotta be your own hero.”
So let’s cut to the chase, I’m a raging conceited undeserving bitch.
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
“To get up in the morning and know you have to face another obstacle, takes determination. To smile when the only thing you want to do is cry, takes strength. To act happy when it’s the worst, takes courage. To be joyful when the only good news is the best of the worst, takes support. To be there and help people through the roughest times takes love.”
I don't care about anything anymore. Too tired to keep up friendships or care about people except the ones I truly love. I don't have the energy to reply text messages, or wall posts on facebook.
What if I can never get away from feeling this way? Ever. Ever.
Maybe she's right, maybe one day you'll come to cherish me again just like how you used to, instead of shunning me away just like how you've been doing so for the past week. But I'm not going to care. Because no, I'm not going think too far ahead about what the future entails for our friendship anymore, and I'm going to forget the past. All I'm going to care about, is now. I'm not going to be waiting for the day when you'll realize how much I used to treasure our friendship, or the day when you'll come to remember how you treated me in return. Maybe you used to be a part of my everyday, but no - not anymore.
F, you need to know that you're really important. Maybe not to those other girls or to V - but to me - you are of the greatest importance. Cheer up, (:
Homecoming was thumbs up! 202's bubble tea stall was really successful, good job 202! Gillian really put in tons of effort for the preparations and stuff, and she practically worked full shifts yesterday! I really think her efforts should be recognized :) Alfreda came yesterday as well for homecoming, Hannah couldn't make it in the end. But I'm sure there will be another time for the three of us to meet again and have tons of fun together anyways. Spent homecoming taking a lot of pictures! you can view the pictures by clicking this. :D Speech day was boring, but I liked the dance performance. Band was thumbs up too! And the Shine extract brought back memories. Goodbye till after myes!
I don't know, I don't know if I like you or not. I can't like you. I need to give up, now. I need to lose feelings, now. I don't want to like you.
1. Click this! 2. Won't be blogging till after the upcoming examinations 3. Might be posting a quick picture post on homecoming day 4. 26 more days till MYEs
I shouldn't be blogging. But I just really need to vent.
This week has been exceptionally busy. But what more can anyone else expect given the fact that we're only 32 days till the upcoming examinations, huh? Wednesday was the busiest day of the week. Rushed from class to the hall for the speech day rehearsal, rushed from the rehearsal to choir, asked to be dismissed earlier from choir at 5.30 for mathematics tuition at 6, tuition ended at 8 so I had takeaways for dinner and reached home at 8.15. Took a bath. Mugged for yesterday's mathematics and physics test till midnight.
Yesterday was happening. The mathematics test was alright, physics test was challenging but manageable. I just don't want to fail anymore. Even if I pass by just one mark, I'd be happy. I want to at least take double sciences for next year. I want to prove people wrong. I want to prove myself wrong.
Talked to Jianqing on the phone yesterday while messaging Hongwei. Laughed while talking to Jianqing, smiled while reading Hongwei's messages. I felt relieved talking to the both of them. A lot of people have been falling ill nowadays. I hope they'll have a speedy recovery :)
Yes I've been happier. Still sad, but happier. Just less sad. When I'm unhappy, I bury myself in school work or text people while doing homework. On top of that I've been jamming to very emotional songs like Go and The Only Way That I Know How To Feel by Boys Like Girls or Tongue Tied and Second Chance by Faber Drive or Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. If you knew me well enough, I used to be someone who deals with a problem there and then instead of finding ways to forget those problems. But now I don't even have the time to bother to deal with my problems or other people's complications anymore. I don't have the time to offer a listening ear or a helping hand to those in need like I used to, I don't even have the time to help my mom with the house chores or watch television at home as a family or eat dinner as a family or go out as a family anymore.
At least I've been studying.
Sometimes I feel disconnected from every thing. Disengaged. Like everything just feels very wrong, though I don't really know why. I look at the other smiling faces and I think to myself, "At least they're happy." You know maybe there's a myth, like the one about when someone from one part of this world passes on, a child from another part of this world is born. As in, maybe when someone's sad, someone else is happy. Maybe as I'm upset now, someone else in another part of this world is happy. If yes then I'd be willing to be upset for forever. I'd be willing forsake my happiness for another person in this world to be happy.
I don't know why I kept staring at the both of you the other day. Was I jealous? Envious? Angry? Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know.
And why do I always have this tendency to just blow up and make a big fuss out of something not worth that amount of anger or time or attention from me? Why can't I just let things be? When will I ever learn to just relax? Think twice before I do or say anything stupid? Live and let die, live and let live, love and let love, love and let hate. I wish I could do more than just look at that statement and think to myself, "Yes. That's what I should do. That's what I want to do. That's the right thing for me to do." I want to do more than think. I want to do it.
