FUCKSHIT

Hoho I shall blog because its break time! (Though I don't deserve one.. :/)
Today sucked.

Don't know why I felt like crying on the way home.
Don't know why I felt like screaming at my brother for using my things without my permission.
Don't know why I felt like making a big fuss out of nothing when my Dad started eating from my plate again.
Don't know what held me back from doing all the bad things I felt like doing.
Don't know why I've become so temperamental.
Don't know why I'm crying as I'm typing this.
Don't know why all I do is cry.
Don't know why all I do is depend on people... on what they say.
Wish I could be independent.
Wish I could hold back my tears just like how I held myself back when I had the desperate urge to scream at my brother.
Don't know why I felt like crying when Sherry questioned me about how life has been recently.

Seniors expect so much more from me in comparison to what they expect from their other juniors.
I hate the attention, I hate the special treatment.
I'm just being myself, can't they just let me be?
I hate the full emphasis they have on me. I despise it.

Parents expect much more from me.
And yes I can comprehend to the fact that they have good intentions, that they want nothing but the best for and from me.
But all they care about is the end product.
What happens to the process? Like having myself go through all this shit for good grades.

In PL, I felt welcomed.. I felt as though the whole school was there for me.
Yes, there were quarrels and disagreements there and then in PL...but in Xinmin, it seems as though there are disputes going on everyday. Its killing me. I hate endings, I hate it when something good comes to an end. Why do all good things come to an end? Why do bad people who lie and cheat and bitch get special privileges and things they don't deserve while the good people get crap and suffer in silence? Gah, life is so fucking unfair.

Which is why I've decided to give up on religion. God doesn't exist. Not in my life.

Honestly I don't even care about maintaining friendships anymore. I'm sick and tired of always being the person who apologizes when clearly I've done nothing wrong while the other person just goes like, "Oh, sorry. Its the end. I can't trust you anymore". Like wtf, I didn't give a shit when you disclosed my secrets but now you're blaming me for telling on you WHEN I DIDN'T IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Can't people just get their facts right and stop making silly assumptions? I mean, if you can't even trust me then what the fuck, why be my friend in the first place?

I'm sick and tired of everything okay.
Sick and tired of always being taken advantage of.
Sick and tired of always having to have new best friends every time, sick and tired of always having my secrets disclosed each time.

Eff.