Bleah

Busyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

1. Orientation'10
2. XiD
3. AXE camp (?)
4. P6 recruitment talks at ZhongHua Primary & Compassvale Primary. (2 Nov & 9 Nov)
5. Open house~ (21 November)
6. Preparation for SLB chalet
7. Xinmin Publicity Posters (?)
8. Ms. Kuck's Xinmin portfolio

And the list goes on :/

This life, I don't want it anymore.

There's always something to be tired of.
There's always something to worry about.
There's always something to be afraid of.
There's always something to rant about.
There's always something to cry about.
There's never anything to be happy about.

At least not today.
Putting on a brave front isn't as easy as you think it is.
----

Lewis is fucking annoying.

Bleah

Shut up Fox News -.-

To you.

Now why don't you,
See what I see, think what I think, feel what I feel, do what I do, put yourself in my shoes and know that you're not the only person living in this world. When you felt down and didn't tell me why, I worried for you. I racked my brains and put myself in your shoes just so I could comprehend to your emotions and accommodate to your feelings.

Its like you came to me suddenly and started unburdening yourself to me. I started thinking everything would be okay then, but a split second later, you leave me with an empty heart and trash me with your harsh words, leaving me alone again. You have seemingly big problems, but don't forget that this isn't just about you. You're not the only pitiful person in the world. Stop wallowing in self pity, it gets annoying after awhile. Cause all you've done is just treat me like a bin, throwing your burdens and disappearing and leaving me like I'm full of your trash, when in fact the trash is all yours. I'm full up now, I have my problems too. I'm feeling down now, and here you are stabbing me with those sharp words again.

Your mind and emotions are like a whirlwind, they change with the days and seasons, one day you care so much for me, and the next day you shun me away.

:> + ranting

Went shopping at 5 different shopping malls today! ;>
ER outing to Ikea was really fun even though not everyone was able to go.
I've bought Denyse's birthday present & a watch for myself! ;D
----

I can't stop thinking about you.
It sucked to be smiling and laughing away on the surface side when in actual fact, I really felt like crying again. I was desperate to see you and I was wishing that this was just another nightmare I've yet but will wake up from. I know I sound desperate and all but this is really too much for me to handle. I know I pushed it. Bleah.
----

Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you have seen them or how long it's been since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.

Its just hard to miss someone I don't know anymore.
----

Is that it? Are you the only person in the world who's been let down and faced many emotional traumas and tragedies in life? The only one that’s been hurt, abandoned? What gives you the right to act like you are? I don't know what to do and how to feel. Should I be mad at you? Or should I sympathize with you because of all you've gone through and comprehend that it was your emotions which lead you to to doing all that? Bleah.
----

What defines a best friend? What are the requirements to be a good best friend? How many hours a week does it entail? Stupid questions that have no answers. A best friend is not defined by how many times they talk on the phone, or how many hours they hang out together. It is not defined by how many sleepovers they gossip at, or how many inside jokes they have. There are no requirements or laws that state that a good best friend must hang out with them every weekend, or tell each other every little detail. A best friend is a matter of opinion. It is the person who has been there for you through everything, not just through the fun things, or the little things. It is the person that you call when you are at your absolute worst, it is the person who saves you when you didn’t even notice that you needed saving, mostly it is the person who accepts you for who you are, and the person that you are becoming.

See, this was the way I felt towards you until you said that.

Then came other disappointments and let downs.
And that one apology could not account for the accumulation.
Perhaps we were never really friends to begin with.
----

And after all this, I just realize that it isn’t what I have, or who I am, or where I am, or what I'm doing that makes me happy or unhappy. It's just what I think about. No use realizing if no change is made anyways.
----

But you know what I want?
I want to be remembered as the girl who smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten up her own.
----

This just proves that y'all have no idea just what kind of a person I really am.

I miss you.

I love you Alfreda. Effing miss you mannnnnnn ):

I hate your insensitivity

Why did you even bother asking that one question when you don't even care, had never cared and will never care?
I guess its just in your nature to disregard people.
All you care about in this entire world, is yourself.
You know what? Its not that you've not been yourself lately.
This is just who you are.
I was stupid to have thought otherwise.
I was stupid to have worried so much about you.
I'm the stupidest girl who'll never give up albeit all this because I love you, and I guess that's really all that matters. To me.

):

Mr Lee: I'm going to take a video of you tomorrow and the video will be shown on the LCD screens.

Crap I don't want.
----

It isn't just about being patient and all.
It isn't as easy as it seems.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ):

I don't want to be in love.

Hmpf

I was up crying all night till I had no more tears left to shed. Then came some sort of quietness which made me feel as if nothing was ever going to happen again.

Yea I wish.
Something bad's always bound to happen.
----

This is what I'll do!
I'll fight my way through the day to get to the night.
And after the night, I'll fight my way through the night to get to the day.

Smart right.
----

"I find some slts damn slack. Like, you know, BLABLABLABLABLA"
"I hate some sls who keep complaining about slts. Like they veh good themselves la"

What's with all this? ):

Bleah

Just so you know,
I'm never me when I'm around you.
'Cos I'd rather be happier or happy or sad as I already am.
And so since this is the way it is, well,
Goodbye!

Yes really, goodbye.
*waves frantically*

Hmm.

----

Because throughout the year you were the only one who actually bothered about me and such.
No one else cared much about me. It was as though, to them, I was better off dead.
Just so you know the past few weeks have been crappy without my best friend :/
----

It all started really well I guess.
He needed help, and I was there for him.
He initiated conversations and wanted to study with me etcetc so yea I was fine with it.
Then came the break up between him and someone else.
And I was blamed for it but then again, I was advised to take my hands off it.
I didn't have feelings for him and he didn't have feelings for me either anyways.
I continued to be there for him albeit all the rumors and such.
His attitude towards me gradually changed.
And now I feel as though I'm being used and taken for granted.
----

"the reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is and the future less resolved than it will be"

familiar?

Worn out.

107 has bonded a lot in the past two days. :)
Maybe we'll surpass 101 in terms of unity and such muahaha.
There isn't a need to compete anyways.
But its just awesome to be in such a class I guess :D
Its just great to know that unlike other classes, I'm not being discriminated/ostracized and such just 'cos I'm SL and most people dislike SLs.
Apparently I'm an exception yay HAHA.
----
I'm giving up on you. I can tell, I know you'd prefer for me to not like you. So yea.
Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

:D D:

There are songs that make us want to dance, songs that make us want to sing-a-long. But the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them, and once again, break your heart.
----

Yea no long post HAHA. I'm tired ):
And I twisted my ankle.
----
Edit :/

Somehow things like listening to music, watching ceaseless episodes of Gossip Girl and such doesn't put me in high spirits anymore. Because I know that even if I start smiling the smile will just wear off in a while. Something, though I don't know what, will always happen.

I don't see the point in putting on brave fronts anymore.
You don't appreciate it and you don't spare a thought for my feelings anyways.
No one ever does.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Lengthy post next :D

I think I'm turning into a monster.

The girls in Secondary school are nothing but bitches and whores.
I find guys better to talk to.

Seriously just what pleasure do you get from hurting me?
Just how is my suffering to your advantage?
Shit face.

Problem settled :/ I did it without depending on anyone yo! Awesome.

To do list:
1. Try to care less/Don't care at all
2. Be less dependent on what people say and do.
3. Change mindset

I feel alone. I have friends, but I'll always feel alone.

FML.

Have you ever felt disgusted at the sight of yourself?
Disgusted to the extent that you have this like, desperate urge to gag at the sight of your own reflection. And then you just wanna go "uglyuglyugly." Well yea this is the way I feel.
----

Went to the canteen after school today to meet Juslin 'cos she left something with me.
Shuihui was there again with her bitchfaceclique.
Shuhui made puking noises at the sight of me.
Samantha called me a bitch from across the canteen.
Juslin whispered "ccb" into my ear (directed to them).
I rolled my eyes.
----

I'm sick and tired of all this.
Being verbally abused not just in school but at home as well.
It sucks ttc I swear.
Yea la I'm crying as I'm typing this, you got a problem with that?
Just call me stupid for harping on my imperfections.

Why I didn't blog on Saturday

Saturday -> Mom quarreled with Dad again, Dad drove us to Uncle's place for another typical family gathering, Dad began lecturing brother during dinner, brother told Dad to shut up, Dad got pissed and verbally abused brother in front of the entire family, Aunt stood up for my brother and chased Dad out of the house, Dad slammed his plate of food on the table and threatened Aunt, Uncle (Aunt's husband) got pissed and stood up for his wife, told him to fuck off, Dad stormed out of Uncle's place and drove off. Kaely ran away from Uncle's place with some money and her phone, stoned at the podium (some sheltered area), parked her bike and began text messaging people, biked home.

Saturday was the best day of the week!
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Sigh sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down. Doesn't anyone understand at all?
----

I feel more comfortable talking to strangers than people I know. I guess its 'cos chances are, I’ll never see them ever again and I feel like I can say anything I want. They don’t know my past or what I’ve done, they can only judge me solely on first impressions. I’m the person I am now, not then. Sigh its just people I know don’t see the difference so yea.
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Hm I've come to a conclusion that the reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be. Life @.@

3 more days to eoeoys :D

Awesomee

I've been studying :( And smsing! :D

Can't wait till Thursday!
Breakfast @ Macs with knees after school & a movie after that.
What could be better? :D

Poofpoof

In the process of choosing a new skin for my blog.
Shall edit this post later when I'm done.
Byeeeee~
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Okay yea today really sucked ttm even after the 2 apple pies after school :/
I haven't felt like this in a while- uncertain.
I'm really hating this abstract reliance on someone else to make or break my day.
The craving, longing, missing.. my heart crawling out of control.
I don't think I'm exaggerating.
Perhaps it's easier and safer to be alone.
-----

Hey S don't go too deep into it.
You deserve more out of anyone. You deserve someone who will make you happy, will anticipate your feelings, will make your sadness go away. And he is out there, just maybe not now. So just chill?
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Yea I'm eating my second apple pie now.
Removed my dead tagboard too!
Throbbing headache is killing me @.@
I'll miss you Nicholas Lim :(
I don't want to be able to talk to you only when I'm feeling down. Like, do we always have to talk about such things?

bullshit.

I'm sick and tired of everything. Parents relationships friendships enemies studies whatever whatever. This is all fuckshit man. I hate you I hate you I hate you to the max. Stop uttering such inexactitudes and being economical with the truth you whore.

Thanks again Justin :D
You're my best friend!

:(

2 days down, 8 more to go! Yay! Don't ask me why I'm online muahaha.
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Get ready for a reallyreallyreallyreally long post on 15 oct.
It'll just be ranting anyways so yea.
Phone conversation anyone? :D 62881576 lol its not phone *ahem*.

Yea. I'm kind of sick and tired of putting on a brave front already.

:)

I fell asleep on my study table while studying for Chemistry :l
Bleah guess I'll just have to work real hard and pull through the following days for the results I yearn to have. Haha Mr. Chew's appeal during that whatever meeting will be of no use if I don't get outstanding results anyways so, yea. Whether I'm in express or normal next year relies solely on me so, don't worry, I won't give up woohoo. And don't worry I won't have some major break down or whatsoever even if I don't get promoted to 2E haha. At least I know I've tried my best. Whether I'll have to quit SLB and debate next year just because my parents want me to or stay on because I know that that is what I want and its my life so I get to decide relies on.. Mr. Chew and Ms. Siva I think? I'll just go with whatever happens I guess.

Good luck with tomorrow's EOYEs k :D
Because even you, you and you believe that I can get promoted to express so I musn't be disheartened and I shouldn't disappoint you. At least, trying my very best for tomorrow and for the next 10 days is the most that I can do. Thanks again Justin, you're really my best friend. Right now I just hope that, there would be someone who'd tell me that everything's really gonna be alright. That that someone wouldn't be disappointed should I really fail to get promoted.

Suppressing these intense feelings.

Mugged 12 hours straight!
And yes I know I shouldn't be online haha.
Because every second counts.
But anyways, best of luck for the upcoming EOYEs!
----

Its always after one of those awkward conversations that we have nothing to talk about.
I never thought of it that way.
I don't even know what's going through your mind.
I hesitate because I'm just afraid that you'd get the wrong idea.
Because somehow I just felt that you didn't trust me.
Because after the previous one I thought that, even if I said no you'd never believe me.
Maybe its just me.
I'm just naive :/

Helplessness.

Just somehow I have this desperate urge to dial your number right now and rant the night away because today has been such a terrible day.
Yes you'll be gone sooner or later but,
I'm just afraid. I don't want it to be anytime soon.
I just don't want you to get the wrong idea.

Thanks Justin.
You're my best friend.

:(

Unrequited love.
It happens all the time, no?
I should just move on.
I should just stop doing stupid things for people I like.

I can't seem to concentrate in class with the incessant chatter from all around.
The new sitting position sucks to the max man.

Caught in a dilemma.
I need a hug.

Can a slt/sl like, call me (62881576) should there be any morning meeting tomorrow?
Thanks!