Booo this is poop

I was supposed to start smiling in school today.
Boohoo but now my eye has some stupid infection so my parents made me stay home to rest -.-
Hahaha maybe its 'cos I cursed like lots of people in my previous blog post. Retribution! o.o
Whatever the cause, I wanna go to schoooooooooooooooooool.
I wanna see you! :(
Ohyea and there's something wrong with my hp so
1. Can't text message or call
2. Can't receive text messages or calls

Call my house phone ba, haha-> 62881576

5 days to eoys.
*hyperventilate*

Lengthy post ._.

Insanity is when you keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
:O

Anyways today has been such a great day!
Especially PE woohoo. PE was awesomeee. We played captain's ball!
Haha shan't elaborate much lah.
I finally changed my facebook profile picture, msn display picture and twitter picture! :D
----

Stop toying with her feelings.
Just date her if you're fond of her and don't if you're not.
There's nothing wrong with being just friends.
Like her for who she is instead of forcing her to be someone she's not.
What you've done is for your own pleasure,
but what you've been doing to her has been hurting her.
Just stop it.
Its not like she doesn't want to turn over a new leaf.
Bleah, didn't expect this from my best guy friend.

Stop messing with her.
You three major bitches.
And you 209 bitchassface, fuck off.
Stop thinking that you're off limits to others 'cos you're not.
Stop this behavior 'cos its getting on my nerves.
She wants a break.
You're not giving in.
But I'll make sure you do.
Just fucking let her be already.

Some people are just so insensitive.
Some people just don't have manners.
Some people are just living in their own world,
oblivious to the emotions of many others.
Some people just need someone.
Now I've come to realize that even those who never frown eventually break down.

So many things I wish to control.
So many things I wish I could put a stop to.
But who am I to want to do all these? What authority do I have?
As a student leader? As just Kaely?
So what if I have good intentions for wanting to do all this?
So what if I'm a student leader?
So what if I know what I want to do is right?

I'm still nothing.
I just wish I could be something.
I know I should stop wishing and hoping and get down to it.
But I don't have the guts to voice out my views.
I just don't have the guts to confront you.
Because somehow, I'm respecting your decisions no matter how wrong they are.
Told you, I'm a coward.
----

People = people in school (including me)
All people talk about is the limit to their patience.
All people talk about is how tired they are from all the hours of mugging.
All people talk about is how vexing it is to worry over the eoys.
All people talk about is how they wish the eoys would never come.
All people talk about are their troubles they face in life and how stressed out they are.
And somehow they just can't seem to stop ranting about it.

If only we could just move on already.
If only we could just realize that the more you think about such things the worse you'll feel.
If only we could just realize that how we feel actually has an impact on other people feel.
So if emoing first results to other people emoing then,
perhaps if I start smiling from tomorrow onwards and stop whining,
that would result to more smiles from all around.
Would Xinmin be a school of smiles then? :/
----

I remember during Sunday School, when teacher Vincent shared with us about the eagles.
Apparently an eagle, when in the know of the approach of a storm, doesn't fly in the opposite direction of the storm but towards the storm. Like, it confronts the storm.
Perhaps I should learn from the eagle.
Perhaps I should confront my fears.
That'd be quite an achievement for me :o
----

Today feels different from all the other days.
Somehow I couldn't get to sleep last night.
Kept tossing and turning on my bed :(
Felt weak after recess.
Felt like I was going to faint or something.
o.o
My prepaid card's out of moneh too :(
So Junwen, if you're reading this, please invite me to your blog? Heh.

Time to mug.
Bye!

<3

9 hours of mugging! Haha totally chionged mathematics and science today woohoo.
I phoned knees too haha, I kinda prefer chatting on the phone over msn and sms now.
Perhaps two really is better than 1.
enjoyed the conversation today :)

Hush

Weeeeee I'm back online from hours of mugging woohoo.
---

So this is the big picture.
So things weren't the way I thought it would be.
Yea, its true anyways.
Looking at everything at a new perspective, a new point of view now.
I'm starting to care for not just myself but for other people as well.
I'm starting to accommodate to their feelings hm starting to do things which are not in my nature to do :/ So unlike me but heh it makes me feel good and I see nothing wrong with it anyways.

I like Two is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift.
Byebye.

Irrelevant

Don't know where to start, don't know where I am, don't know where I should be, don't know when to end, don't know what people expect of me, don't know if what I'm doing is right, don't know why I'm in an irritable mood, don't know what's ahead, don't know what's behind, don't know if I should be looking back to begin with, don't know why I'm stressing myself on a Friday, don't know why..

I've come to realize that people are obstacles :o
To happiness to success to confidence to whatever whatever depending on your point of view.
Not really in the mood to elaborate now.

I almost got hit by a car yesterday -.- Stupid driver ahaha.
I'm going to live today like there's no tomorrow, 'cos I'll never know what's gonna happen next that might possibly change my entire life. Or even end it.
----

6th guy. Clearly I should have enrolled into an all-girls' school instead.
Perhaps I should discontinue the constant text messaging.
It won't ever come. Fate doesn't exist.
I wish I could just crush less think less blog less sms less tweet less and study more.
No one will ever know, not this time.
Your charismatic voice, so pleasant<3

The previous wasn't the last after all, ey?

I'm blogging and there's nothing you can do about it, muahahah.

My motto or whatever you call it has changed from "Expect the best, be prepared for the worst, fuck what others think and do your own thing" to "Cos life's too precious to mope or to be sad of so I'm being happy like the birds and the bees!".

So I was thinking- Do I really need a new target? Honestly I don't want to be heartbroken again ahhhh I hate emoing. I get all pessimistic and irritable when I emo to the extent that I start to chastise myself for like always doing stupid things for people I like. He'll come some day I think. If there's fate :/ I'm only 12 anyways. Perhaps I'm too young? o.o Yea I am. Bleah even if I do get a boyfriend there's really a high possibility that the reason to our break up would be because I'm too clingy, then it'd be stupid if I do cry over the guy. Like you know I cling to people and stick to them like the north and south poles of a magnet when I like them. As in literally lah, except I'm not attractive lol wth. Eeeep I sound paranoid and desperate -.-

Come to think of it why can't I just like someone if I do and just be friends if I don't? Why do I care so much about your opinions? Why do I care so much about how you feel? Why do I care if you think that what I'm doing is wrong and if you've got a bad impression of me or even if you've got the wrong idea? Its my life isn't it? Like how my papa has the final say in the family I have the final say when it comes to making serious decisions in my life right? I mean that's the way I want it to be but somehow that's not how it is. Why do I always feel the necessity to get facts and points right, why do I always feel that its essential to correct someone should that person be in the wrong? Why do I like to complicate things?

Complexity and simplicity hmmmmmmm.

I don't know what I'm talking about again haha.
Bleah I wish I could just think less blog less and study more.
Study time, byebye!

Hi bye.

Hello.
Online for chinese e-learning so yea, just decided to blog for the veryyyy lasttttt timeeee.
Lady Gaga followed me on twitter! :o
Haha anyways this is really the last post. Like seriously the last post.
I've decided I'd rather not implicate myself in such complicated situations anymore.
So this is goodbye.
I wish my parents could just file for a divorce.
I don't really care if I'll have to move out and live in a dumpster.
I'm not being stupid. I did think of the consequences should such a thing really happen.
Sherry's post makes sense, though its not directed to me.
Since I've gotten myself into this and since I've gone thus far, it'll be stupid to back out huh?
So I'll be pushing myself beyond my limits and fighting for what I believe in.
I'll let my heart lead my mind.
Words won't bring me down this time.
Don't say you're sorry 'cos I'm not even breaking.
I've decided that you're not worth the time that this is taking.
I won't be racing out of any rooms and I won't be slamming any doors anymore.
Call me a bitch with braces all you want, 'cos you're a fucking bastard yourself.
I don't expect an apology.
I don't care if you find this post nonsensical and random.
'Cos life's too precious to mope or to be sad so I'm being happy like the birds and the bees.
Heheh.
So,
Hello assessment books and worksheets, pens and pencils, correction tapes and notebooks.
Goodbye ipod, twitter, text messages, online messengers, celebrity gossip blogs and blogger.

16 days to eoys.

I feel helpless despite already knowing the answers to my questions and solutions to my problems.
I still can't bring myself to tell anyone how I really feel about a particular someone.
Contradiction: Gah I just told Junwen and idk why I told him ._.
I'm caught in a dilemma.
-----

Shihui says she wants to quit SLB.
In fact she went to look for Mr. Chew today to talk about it.
Sigh guess all I can do is respect her decision since persuading her to stay was of no use.
-----

I hate my mom I hate my dad I hate my brother.

19 days to eoys.

Bleah, can't believe I cried just now.
Can't believe what they said had such a great impact on my emotions.
Can't believe I overreacted, can't believe I made a big fuss out of nothing again.
Can't believe I raced out of the fucking room and slammed the fucking door just because of what they fucking said. In addition what they said clearly didn't have to be taken seriously.

Why did I feel so uptight at that point of time?
School had been bad enough and they just had to make things worse.
They just had to call me some dog with braces.
One's a sec 3 and the other a sec 2. Duh, aren't they supposed to be mature or something?
They started it, I'm not going to apologize.
I know this mindset is wrong.
GAH

Last post ever, I swear.
I realize I use the f word very often now when I rant.
Puberty clearly isn't an excuse.

Just gotta learn to take control of my emotions I guess :/
To own it and not let it own me.

FUCKSHIT

Hoho I shall blog because its break time! (Though I don't deserve one.. :/)
Today sucked.

Don't know why I felt like crying on the way home.
Don't know why I felt like screaming at my brother for using my things without my permission.
Don't know why I felt like making a big fuss out of nothing when my Dad started eating from my plate again.
Don't know what held me back from doing all the bad things I felt like doing.
Don't know why I've become so temperamental.
Don't know why I'm crying as I'm typing this.
Don't know why all I do is cry.
Don't know why all I do is depend on people... on what they say.
Wish I could be independent.
Wish I could hold back my tears just like how I held myself back when I had the desperate urge to scream at my brother.
Don't know why I felt like crying when Sherry questioned me about how life has been recently.

Seniors expect so much more from me in comparison to what they expect from their other juniors.
I hate the attention, I hate the special treatment.
I'm just being myself, can't they just let me be?
I hate the full emphasis they have on me. I despise it.

Parents expect much more from me.
And yes I can comprehend to the fact that they have good intentions, that they want nothing but the best for and from me.
But all they care about is the end product.
What happens to the process? Like having myself go through all this shit for good grades.

In PL, I felt welcomed.. I felt as though the whole school was there for me.
Yes, there were quarrels and disagreements there and then in PL...but in Xinmin, it seems as though there are disputes going on everyday. Its killing me. I hate endings, I hate it when something good comes to an end. Why do all good things come to an end? Why do bad people who lie and cheat and bitch get special privileges and things they don't deserve while the good people get crap and suffer in silence? Gah, life is so fucking unfair.

Which is why I've decided to give up on religion. God doesn't exist. Not in my life.

Honestly I don't even care about maintaining friendships anymore. I'm sick and tired of always being the person who apologizes when clearly I've done nothing wrong while the other person just goes like, "Oh, sorry. Its the end. I can't trust you anymore". Like wtf, I didn't give a shit when you disclosed my secrets but now you're blaming me for telling on you WHEN I DIDN'T IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Can't people just get their facts right and stop making silly assumptions? I mean, if you can't even trust me then what the fuck, why be my friend in the first place?

I'm sick and tired of everything okay.
Sick and tired of always being taken advantage of.
Sick and tired of always having to have new best friends every time, sick and tired of always having my secrets disclosed each time.

Eff.

-'-

GAH. RAWR. BLEAH BLEAH BLEAH.
I suck in Chemistry and Biology. I need help.
-----

I shall reflect on the September hols.

1. It wasn't fruitful.
2. I didn't study much, to be honest with you.
3. Up till now I've yet to complete 20% of my holiday homework (Because homework left= Chem & Bio worksheets)
4. There were too many cca stuffs too many slb stuffs too many family stuffs going on.
5. I wanted to use the hols to catch up on my weaker subjects but fact is I didn't.
6. Insufficient sleep :/

Byee

HIHS I3 Conference!

Kay um, the conference was great :>
Bleah so sorry I just don't feel like blogging.

I don't know what's hit me.
One moment I'm feeling exultant without a reason (Though as mentioned, I don't see the necessity of having a valid reason behind your emotions)
And another moment, I'm feeling... down.

HOLIDAY HOMEWORK TIME.
Hiatus too, as... promised? :/

Don't miss me!
I'll be back (:

happy-go-lucky

Apparently (almost) everyone (i know of) have completed their holiday assignment(s).
I'm an exception though... I've barely even started :/
I think I'll chiong revision for upcoming tests first then start on homework anyways x.x

I feel exultant and I don't know why but I'd rather not know anyways :D
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
I'm over him

RANDOM!!!

HAHA I ROCK :D
I talked my mom into allowing me to use the computer.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeee I think I'll go on hiatus after this week.
25 days to EOYs, 35 days to EOEOYs! Oh nooo.

I realize words like "nice" and "sad" are really... vague adjectives to use :/
Example you go like, "Oh gosh you're such a nice person!". It occurs to me that such sentences with such vague adjectives tend to have a tinge of sarcasm even if the person who says it actually genuinely means what he/she says. If so does it imply that the "chimer" your adjectives are, the more sincere what you say will sound? o.o

I don't know why, but that's just the way it is :/ Anyways is it essential to have an explanation or reasoning behind everything to begin with? T.T Like... Why is love unexplainable in the first place?

Such things are for intelligent people to figure out I guess. I'm not smart. So yea. Sorry.
:3

Oh yea and its funny how what you say will sound even more convincing when you give a further elaboration on the message you are trying to convey. Mmmhmm..

Why am I thinking so much today? o.o
Why do I feel so much happier after emptying my bottle?

Oh my gosh better treasure this moment of happiness before it wears out!
What should I do nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :o

So bored. Don't wanna study x.x
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

edited

POST EDITED.

Maybe Junwen's right.
Maybe I was overreacting.
Perhaps, maybes..
I was probably too sick and tired of everything to think of perhaps and maybes.
Either too stressed out or puberty o.o
Gotta chill ._.

I wish everything was as easy as it seemed or at least as easy as how it was made out to be by my friends. They always go like, "it takes time" or "life's like that".
Is there a possibility that they've gone through what I'm going through and are now going through a dreadful moment which is actually much worse and even more unbearable in comparison to what I'm going through? Gah if so then.. shouldn't I be mentally prepared for what is to come or something? o.o Omg no then I'd be like so paranoid heh.

"Expect the best, be prepared for the worst, fuck what others think and do your own thing."
That's a quote I came across some random blog :> Makes sense right!

You know its so funny like when I compare primary school life to secondary school life :x
Like, all the bad things seem to increase along with my age while the good things actually decrease. (I wonder how old I'll be when my optimism and happiness eventually vanish!) I think life would be so much better if it was the other way round. Cheh what on earth am I talking about of course life would be better that way x.x

But after each struggle I come to realize I actually learn smth new o.o
And what I learn from the previous struggle actually helps me overcome the next struggle.
Got link leh :D

Haha crapping now because I'm bored > <
Gah mom's nagging.
BYEEE :D

Got to stop whining

I've come to realize that every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart and that if we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance from all around.

Sighhhhhh.

GAHHHHHHHHH

Rawr.
I honestly thought I'd completely gotten over him until today.
Even with his back facing me, I felt as though...
Gah the feeling is unexplainable.
And then when my eyes met his,
(Yes mine met his not his met mine.)
I felt really.. awkward.
I feel stupid now.

KAELY,
wake up. He'll never like you.
No one ever will.

JUSTIN YEO WEI MING :D
Heh, he's a really sweet friend.
I just want to make it known that, he's the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
Yupyup. I feel blessed to have him as a friend who's always been there for me.

byee.

pissed.

I hate it when people say they hate it ‘when people cannot seem to cope with things.’ wow, that’s really nice. Have you ever considered the fact that these people might have real problems? That you have never experienced before? And by asking them to ‘just cope’ you forget that these people are trying. Maybe its not enough, or maybe they need professional help. Let’s see you go through anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders, depression, expectations of a thousand people. Damn right you’re an asshole.

The world is so unfair.
I'm so damn frustrated.
I'm a 2 faced bitch.

Fuck

Life sucks big time.
I hate myself. I hate life. I hate everything.
Did ushering during PTM. I think walking around aimlessly was somewhat fun.
----

I don't get you.
And you... I don't think you get me either.
You just think you know me so well but you don't.
I don't understand guys.
As in, people of the opposite sex. As in, males.
What's with them?
First, they try means and ways to show their care and concern for girls, but its just... often misinterpreted.
As in, first they talk to girls 24/7 via sms/msn, and all of a sudden, in school, they just dao them.
Like, wth?
How insensitive can they get? Don't they even care about how we feel?

I confessed, alright?
Then I got rejected. But he said we could still stay as friends.
Are we still friends, really?
I mean, yea, you're stressed out. Yes I can comprehend, I can understand.
But are you so stressed out to the extent that you don't even bother to say hi when you see me?

Its not like I'm desperate to be in a relationship or whatnot.
I honestly just want to be friends.
And whatever, yea, fine, I think the feeling's gone anyways.
Fine, ignore me. Go ahead.
----

I don't even get myself.
I can't even maintain friendships well.
Oh fuck, maybe I should just wash my hands off things like these.

I'm just another freak.
Unimportant.
Nonexistent.

Onsugarrrr~

I created onsugar 'cos Giselle told me to :o
But I'll stick to blogger lah, lol.
Homework time.
Bye.

Would you continue doing something which makes you unhappy?
Something which makes you like, cry and frown every time you think of it.

I don't know how I feel,
But I'm sure that this isn't regret.
Sigh. Even Willy thought of it before.

Why do I keep looking back?
Why do I keep reminiscing?
When will I ever learn to just look forward and heck whatever that's in the past?

Its not as easy as it seems.
I can't let go.